Reflections of Depression

It always seems it’s hiding me.
In my dreams it’s fighting me.
Never finding what’s always there.
Driven insane by noises I can’t hear.

Feeling dead and acting fine.
I now hate all that’s mine.
Always finding what’s never there.
You are now my greatest fear.

The thing I fear the most.
Is loosing what I’ve already lost.
Walking tall but feel like a ghost.
It’s all too late, the coin’s been tossed.

Heads or tails, its worth has no mean.
Both stand for the same while I’m in between.
Never ending and always loosing.
Driven to madness by every little thing!

Gather up and release my hate.
I gotta shape up, gotta be great!
Having no confidence in what I do.
That is what I believe made me loose you.

Is this for real? Was it ever?
Can’t stand the way I feel. I will love you forever.
Now I’m lost. I can’t stand anything.
Can’t stand the pain that love has to bring.

The days are countless even though they’re few.
You can’t ever guess how much I love you.
But it’s too late for repentant pleads.
Nothing I do can live up to your needs.

You ask how I feel every day.
My answer now is; “No, I’m not okay”.
But what do you want me to say?
That I’d do anything to get you back?
Believe me I would but it’s too late for that.
Even if it’s not I don’t want to ruin things for you because of things I lack.
Now there’s just an empty hole where your love for me sat.

I hope you’re happy, I really do.
I’ll still love you all the way through.
Maybe not responded but still you sympathise.
Whatever’s left of me is only to despise.